As I sit at the computer, I can hear Caleb gurgling and cooing in the next room while Casey talks to him. I wrote the excerpt below while I was still pregnant with Caleb; rereading it reminds me once again of how wonderful it is to have expectations fulfilled.
March 21, 2006
Sometimes it seems that this pregnancy will never end. It’s not only the physical exhaustion; sure, I’m tired of not fitting into my clothes, of bumping into things because I have once again misjudged the size of my belly, of not being able to sleep on my stomach, of spending three-fourths of my day (and night) in the bathroom, on the way to the bathroom, or contemplating whether or not I really have to go to the bathroom, and of answering a zillion questions from everyone from my doctor to the cashier at Burger King. I will gladly bid farewell to all of that, but the worst part is the waiting . . . the expecting.
I’ve always thought it interesting that being pregnant is often referred to as “expecting.” I’ve wondered if there is more to the term than just a euphemism for one of the most awkward times of life. “Expecting” . . . is that what I’m doing? Of course I’m expecting a lot of things. I’m expecting a beautiful, healthy, baby boy. I’m expecting to spend at least the next twenty years of my life raising him, loving him, being his mom. I’m expecting some good times, some bad times, and some surprises.
And as I think of it, perhaps I have been and will continue to be “expecting” throughout my entire life. I have certainly expected many things over the years. I expected to grow up, to fall in love, to get married; I then expected to get pregnant. I’ve expected many, many things; some of them have happened; some of them haven’t. Some things have happened that I wasn’t expecting. Some things I am still expecting.
And I guess, if I believe what God has to say about me then my entire life is supposed to be about expecting. I’m expecting more because I can’t believe that this is all there is; I’m expecting more because I’ve been told that this is not all there is.
Spiritual life on earth for Christians is a lot like being physically pregnant. It’s uncomfortable, even painful, and can be disheartening; every waking moment (and many of the sleeping moments) are spent focused not on the present but on what is to come. In fact, I’m living based on what I’m told is coming, rather than what I see today. I’m making plans; I’m trying to get prepared.
As Paul says in II Corinthians, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.” Just as I’m expecting this little baby, even though I haven’t really seen him, I am to expect great things from God, great things which include a relationship with Him now and an eternal life with Him later.
David says in Psalm 5, “in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” God has told me that I can expect things from Him; I can make requests of Him and expect Him to answer. Perhaps it won’t always be the answer I wanted, but He will answer. There will always be those questions, those “Will He?” or “Won’t He?” moments in life. And sure, perhaps sometimes I’ll be disappointed. But there are things that He has already promised me, things He has told me I can expect. Those expectations stand far above the seemingly large “Will He?” or “Won’t He?” questions that will be sprinkled throughout my life. In fact, the expectation of greater things will sustain me through the “no” answers. I’ve been told to expect His love and His grace and salvation, and expecting those things will inevitably change my life.
So this is not just a season in my life; this is a way of life. I’m to live this way, waiting . . . and expecting. But, just like pregnancy, thank God this life is only temporary; some day I will meet my Lord face to face and all expectations will be fulfilled.
