Casey, you raise some good questions but I don’t expect you will get a lot of good answers. I’ll give my best shot at giving some of my thoughts.

 Why do we not discuss this issue in our churches? The Catholic Church has a Pope who sets policy for their church and has done so in this area. Our fellowship has a tradition of…or at least trying to…remaining silent on issues where the scriptures are silent. This is one of those issues that, for whatever reason, the scriptures give us very little if any direction…or at least that is my opinion.

 Are Christians using birth control because we are seeking to control this huge part of our lives and we are afraid to allow God full reign? Most Christians I know would gladly surrender to God’s will in this area of their lives if He had made a clear statement of His will. He told Noah to “be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it” Gen 9:7. That is the one command that we have been pretty good at keeping. With over 6 billion people on planet earth…we have been obedient. If using birth control is failing to give God full reign in our lives, such reasoning could be used to argue that God doesn’t want us to make decisions about other similar areas of our lives. For example…by saving some money for a rainy day, are we failing to trust God and let Him have control in our lives? He said He would provide, are we saying that we don’t trust Him or that we don’t want to give Him full reign in our lives? That could be the case if we are so concerned with saving that we don’t have a giving and generous heart. Another example might be the Christian Scientist’s who believe that using any of the modern medical discoveries is wrong. By prolonging life with heart operations or cancer treatments one could argue that we are trying to take the control of our lives away from God. If He wants you well, He will make you well. I see birth control as being an area where we have been given liberty by God to us our own best judgment to plan our families. If God wants to intervene, He certainly can and does. Your sister was conceived while we were using birth control (maybe more information that you wanted to know). We surrendered to God’s will and brought her into this world while going to graduate school, having no insurance or money to pay the doctor or hospital. God provided and we were greatly blessed. Ending that pregnancy would have been saying to God that we will not surrender to His will. I see using birth control as being like any other decision that God allows us to make. We pray to God for His will to be done. We make the best decision that we can make…thus telling God this is our will…and then giving God room to do His will.

 Does the story of Onan in Genesis 38 apply or not? We’ve heard arguments that Onan’s story is really about his heart, but how are our hearts different when we use birth control? The Old Testament has some customs and laws that we no longer observe since we are under the Law of Christ. There was a Patriarchal custom of marrying a brother’s widow if she had not been given birth to a son. The purpose was to carry on the linage and name of the brother who had died. This later became law under Moses in Deut. 25:5. In Genesis 38, Onan’s brother had died and he was obligated to take his widow, Tamar, to be his wife and have a child to carry on his brother’s name and linage. He had sexual relations with her but as the scripture says, “spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother� Gen 38:9. As I see it, God struck Onan down because he was a rapist who abused his wife. He was using Tamar to only gratify his physical needs and had no interest in fulfilling his responsibility to his brother or his widow. This is the only passage I know of that is used to argue that birth control is wrong. I would say that having sex without love is wrong. In the New Testament we are told that, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge� Heb 13:4. I believe that God provided the sexual relationship in marriage for more that procreation. It is also for the pleasure of a husband and wife who have become one in body, mind and spirit. Read the Song of Solomon and see God’s plan for the enjoyment of the physical relationship between a husband and wife. I see the sin of Onan as being an abuse of the marriage relationship and the abuse of the woman he had taken as his wife.

 How has the use of birth control changed our lives, besides reducing the number of children we have? I believe that birth control has allowed husbands and wives to enjoy the physical relationship God provided without the anxiety of becoming pregnant.

 Is there a difference between using a contraceptive and “natural family planning“? If birth control is wrong, does that include “natural family planning “? I personally see no difference if you conclude that birth control is an attempt to take the control of your life from God. If birth control is wrong, then have sexual relations whenever and God will decide how many children you have.

 Are we really pro-life in all areas of our life? Are children a reward from God always, or only when they are convenient to us? I certainly believe that I am pro-life, while I do not believe that I need to have children just because I can. God has given me freedom to make decisions in many areas of life that I believe are fine with Him either way. If we had 15 kids, that would have been fine with God if we had loved and provided for them as He intended. I just might have killed your Mom in the process. Children should always be seen as a reward from the Lord…always! Unfortunately a lot of children are not born as a reward from the Lord but are conceived as a result of fornication, rape or just selfish people who don’t care. Your sister was a reward from God when we didn’t plan for her and so were you when we did.

My answers are based on my understanding. Ultimately, each family has to decide what they believe is God’s will and then do it. I am thankful that you are at least willing to ask the hard questions in an attempt to do the will of God and walk closer with Him.

I think it really boils down to how you view the character of God. What does “God’s Will” mean? How specific is that will? How “hands on” is God in our day to day lives? Personally, I believe that God is very much involved with our lives in the sense that He knows our every thought & deed. I believe that He is aware of every move we make & thought we have. I believe that He has a will for my life. However, I do not believe that that will involves how many times I will use the restroom today, or whether or not I will have chicken nuggets or a cheeseburger for lunch, or what I choose as a profession. I believe that his plans for my life are deeper than actions & choices. His plan for my life is that I would seek His glory in all that I do & that when I make choices I would consider His character & never ending love & base my decision on whether or not my decision reflects those things into the lives of others. I believe that He absolutely has the power to & does indeed specifically intervene in people’s lives. However, those situations are things that I would consider miraculous, & I believe that, by definition, they are rare. I also believe that if it were God’s will for someone to have a child, no amount of birth control would be able to stop Him.

Obviously, I am a young single & inexperienced man. I have no wife nor children & so my thoughts are definitely not tested & I don’t have nearly the weight riding on this that you guys do.

Thanks for all of the thoughtful comments on this issue so far. Like I stated before, Mary Beth and I are still grappling with this issue and the implication it has on our family. I do not think using birth control is a sin, and I’m definitely not willing to say that a woman should endanger her body or risk her life in order to not use birth control.

One of my main concerns is the fact that I have never heard this discussed in any of the churches I have attended. I want our family to be one that tries to discern the will of God for ALL aspects of our lives, even the areas that are difficult to discern.

Casey and Mary Beth,

I’m so glad you all are thinking about this issue. I didn’t read the articles, but I did want to comment that we have used “Natural Family Planning” for about 5 years. I got interested in this subject because I didn’t like the idea of a pill telling my body what to do. I also heard a radio broadcast on Family Life Today called, “A Biblical Approach to Family Planning.” I highly recommend it. We also read a book called, “Open Embrace: A Protestant Couple Rethinks Contraception,” by Sam and Bethany Torode. We took the “Natural Family Planning” classes from the Couple to Couple league which is from the Catholic church. That is a great way to know what you are doing if you decide to take this approach. Glad you brought the subject up!

Andrea

This is clearly a difficult topic and one that should always be approached carefully and thoughtfully. I have often wondered why God isn’t more specific on issues such as these in the Bible. Perhaps He didn’t spoon-feed us everything because He wants to encourage us to force ourselves to stretch and grow and to come together as brothers and sisters in Christ so that we might find fellowship and stronger wisdom in seeking His truth together, just as we are now.
I thought that the article was interesting. I have to say that I’m not sure the writer was successful in defending his positions to the degree that he intended. I think that there are a few things that we should keep in mind when examining this argument.
The first is that, while Luther was obviously a great man who accomplished a great deal, he was no more capable of examining the scriptures, nor more obligated to exercise his capacity for discernment than you and I. No man’s writing is the “next best thing” to the Bible in the event that the Bible doesn’t address a particular issue. I don’t mean that the opinions of wise men should not be considered. I mean that the same God that lived in Luther lives in us as well and is no less capable of revealing truth to us than He was to Luther. I think even Luther would want his life to serve as an example of how Christian people ought to struggle through difficult issues instead of serving as a way to bypass the effort required to come to a conclusion. When it comes to my spiritual well being and salvation I intend to do my own thinking and to use wise men as my guide and a way to check the stability of my reasoning. I could be wrong but it seems that the author believes that anything Luther said is true based on the fact that he provided little or no support for Luther’s conclusions. All Luther or any of the others quoted in this article said was that children are a blessing and procreation is wonderful and designed by God. Who could disagree with that? The use of contraceptives certainly does not necessitate opposition with this perspective. I think that the author has created a little bit of a false dilemma by using quotes that are so obviously true, coupled with quotes that flatly condemn contraceptives. Luther and Calvin were clearly opposed to contraception, but support for this view cannot be found in the fact that they thought children were a blessing. I am not taking a particular side at this point, I am just pointing out bad logic. The author repeated this poor use of reasoning when he pointed out that many of the loudest supporters of the use of contraceptives were also advocates of such heinous acts as abortion. Satan is the best there is at mixing truths with falsehoods. Associating weak beliefs with strong ones has been a favorite ‘foot-in-the-door’ tactic of liberals for centuries. By supporting women’s rights and strengths, celebrating diversity, glorifying homosexuality, and condemning war all on the same bumper-sticker, they create an imaginary world where all of these beliefs stand toe to toe with conservative and especially religious perspectives. All I am getting at is that it shouldn’t scare us when people mix our beliefs with theirs in order to force their opinions. Nor should it be used as a premise for a good argument in a scholarly article.
Secondly, the notion that just because contraceptives are our creation means that the use of them takes place outside of the will of God is poorly thought through in my opinion. Antibiotics are used everyday to intervene in the natural course of things that God designed. I don’t think any of us would say, ” see here how God is trying to kill this person and we are messing it up with our own plans and desires for this person to live.”
I struggled with a similar dilemma when I was trying to decide if I was going to take medicine for my ADD. I eventually concluded that God knew what He was doing when he created me in precisely the time and place that He created me in. He created me with ADD in a time and place that provided a solution for it. I don’t think that using medicine in general is done without God. I believe that God gave us antibiotics and other medicines intending that we should use them for His glory. Now I realize that this is in many ways very different from the use of contraceptives, but I will say that arguing against them just because there wasn’t a Walgreen’s in Eden is not sound. Incidentally, the article recognized several quotes drawing a correlation between natural birth and Eden, but as far as I can tell, there weren’t any “natural� births in Eden. In fact, there were no children in Eden as we know them. I agree that there is something about children that is similar to Adam and Eve’s innocence before the fall, but that is different than the present argument. I think it’s safe to say that nowhere do science and religion collide more directly and explosively than on the subject of the beginning of human life. It is the place where the spiritual world and the physical world become joined together.
If the argument is that childbirth should always be the consequence of sex, isn’t artificial insemination a similar manipulation of power? How do we know exactly what God’s plan for us is? Is it acceptable to have a child when one is “naturally� incapable but not acceptable to resist having a child when one his capable? We could say, “well, we will just let God use nature to decide when we have children and when we don’t.� But aren’t we still in a way deciding for God how to allow our future to unfold? I think it’s possible that Bill was right when he said that we are meant to use our best judgment and make the best use of the resources and tools present in the world that God allowed us to be born into, while always seeking God’s glory in making the best decisions for our lives that we know how. If we do these things and trust that God will always be in control, I don’t believe that we will disgrace Him. We will not be judged by what Luther’s circumstances were. If I believe that bringing a child into this world right now would be irresponsible, and my aim is to be the best father that I know how to be, I must make the best decision I can for my children and trust that God will not allow me to stop what he desires to occur. It is true that a full quiver is a blessing, but I don’t think that it means that we should fill our quivers recklessly.
I also feel that the story of Onan does not serve as sound support for the condemnation of contraceptives. It seems clear that God was punishing disobedience and deception for which birth control was a tool. I pray that God will give us wisdom to see the truth and I am glad that Mary Beth and Casey desire to seek it. I look forward to reading other people’s insights and wisdom and that any holes in my reasoning are plainly revealed.

Mary Beth,
I’m glad you and Casey are so earnest in your desire to be pleasing to God in every aspect of your lives. As brothers and sisters we must continually encourage each other to be diligent in this pursuit. You’ve done this by being open with your questions and your search. Goodness knows it’s not an issue I planned to revisit at age 51! It’s going to take me awhile to pray, study and think through this. I hope you will continue to share updates on what you find.

I would like to start by sharing with you my thinking when we were newly weds and beginning our family. At that time the “conscious” issue on my mind and heart was not one of control but responsibility. I was determined to provide for you as I believed God expected. I don’t mean with an abundance of material things. We did without a lot of those and didn’t miss them. But I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to bathe you, change your diapers, sing to you, read to you, push you in the swing and tell you about God. I couldn’t contemplate putting you in a day care and trusting your care to someone else. I wanted to have you immediately but denied myself because I wanted the very best for you. Looking back I can see that maybe I was lacking faith in God to provide a way. I’m not sure. I do believe he expects us to use good judgment and act responsibly. We were adamantly opposed to any type of contraception that intervened after contraception occurred. I’m rethinking this and don’t know if I would think the same today. I do know that I was reacting strongly to the trend of placing infants and small children in daycare. Daddy was in med school and it seemed I had no alternative but to work. Maybe I was selling God short. I can say that after 31 years of marriage my plans have seldom worked out and God’s faithfulness has always carried us through.

I wholeheartedly embrace the concept that children are a blessing from the Lord. There absoulutly is no greater, outside of the gift of his son. Mary Beth, you and Casey are really wonderful parents and I have no doubt that God would effectively bless this world with as many Picker/Stanford offspring as you can produce. I know four grandparents with hearts big enough to love every blessed one of them. I will pray for you and trust God to guide you as you seek to glorify and serve him. You are a beautiful family!
love,
Mom

This issue really hits home for me since I had 3 kids in less than 2 years!! Birth control wasn’t really much of an issue for us until IT STOPPED WORKING!! No, seriously, I have wrestled with this issue, myself. One blog that I read often is by a guy named Tim Challies. He is an incredible writer and while I don’t always agree with him, he always makes me think critically and Biblically about certain issues. He recently wrote a short series of posts called “The Christian and Birth Control.” I don’t know how to link, but here are the addresses to those posts if you want to check them out. They might be of some help:
http://www.challies.com/archives/002350.php
http://www.challies.com/archives/002353.php