This year Casey and I observed Lent for the first time. Neither of us come from church traditions that observe Lent, so we weren’t really sure what to expect, but we hoped that it would be a way to prepare our hearts for Easter. I reluctantly decided to give up chocolate. If you know me, you know that I love just about any kind of chocolate. When I was nursing Caleb I consumed immeasurable quantities of M&Ms, and had only recently weaned myself off of them, so I knew that going almost two months without chocolate was going to be a challenge. I had no idea.
The first morning I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to make myself my usual morning meal: Carnation Instant Breakfast. My heart dropped as I held the canister in my hand; it was, of course, chocolate. “Does no chocolate mean no chocolate milk?” I asked Casey, hoping he would give me an excuse to go ahead and drink it. Instead he raised his eyebrows and gave me his silent “Are you kidding me?” look. “Oh,” I said as I disappointedly returned the canister to the pantry and shuffled back to the bedroom with no breakfast.
Over the coming weeks the trials continued; I was offered untold amounts of chocolate cake and delicious chocolate delights everywhere I went. “No, thank you,” I would reply and try to look the other way as my husband, who had given up candy, had no problem eating the desserts right next to me!
Yes, it was hard, but I have learned so much during the last several weeks. Giving up chocolate has made me aware of all of the desires and cravings that bombard my soul every hour. Before it seemed like I just gave in to whatever I wanted. I figured, if it wasn’t sinful, why shouldn’t I have it? In our culture we rarely have to deny ourselves anything.
Throughout this Lent season I have pondered this a lot. Is this really what God wants of me: a spiritually, if not also physically, overweight and lazy individual who simply exists to fill her own desires? I think the Bible makes it clear that God calls us to more than that. Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:34-36). I guess before I thought that denying myself meant denying my sinful nature, but now I think it means more than just that. It means to ignore my desires and cravings and devote myself to God’s purposes. As my own paraphrase of Deuteronomy 8:3 so plainly puts it, “Mary Beth does not live on chocolate alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God,” or “Mary Beth does not live on new clothes or time to herself or Coca-cola alone . . .” As you see, I still have some other areas to tackle.
And yes, for those of you who are wondering, I did include a little chocolate in my Easter celebration yesterday, and yes, it was good, but . . . I could live without it.
